If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
