GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
