Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
