i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize