I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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