Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
