I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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