I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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