It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
