I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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