you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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