when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
