I wish I only lived at night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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