Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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