We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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