Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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