Your dad touched me again.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
