after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
