I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize