god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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