While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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