I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
