Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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