he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
