Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
