MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
