I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
