its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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