Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
