I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
