I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
