Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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