waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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