I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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