I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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