Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
