Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
