I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize