I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This toilet bowl is my home.
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