wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
