i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
