shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So vagazzling was a success
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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