If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
