I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
