I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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