My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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