You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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