we made out on top of his cat.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
