I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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