my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
