This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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