Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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