I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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