Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
