No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
