she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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