Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
third nipple confirmed
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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