I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
