I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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