im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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