Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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