I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I want a musical about memes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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