All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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