I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
