I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
