Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
