is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
