I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
