I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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