She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
