My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
