people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
