I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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