Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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